I have not lost. Im just lost.

Today. Mr ong spoke to me again. abt myself.
i feel that im really useless. i have not changed at all.
im still the old me. the sec 1 boy who is very shy . who dont have friends.
IM TRYING. IM TRYING ALL I COULD. IM TRYING MORE THAN OTHERS COULD.
WHY I CAME BACK AGAIN. ALL THESE ARE FAKE.
WHAT I GOT IS NOT REAL

Im too childish. i thought i have. i thought i got.
Today. i think i did really alot of wrong things.
in fact. everyday.
WHY AM I SO AGGRO. WHY CANT I STAND. WHY CANT I BE MORE CIVILIZED.
Who am i. am i a kid. am i someone who is paper-made.
Today i ate my brudder bun. HIS DINNER. TML HE HAVING LISTENING COMPRE.
IM NOT HELPING YET stealing his bun.
WHY CANT I ASK CAUSE HE HAVE LC TML !
WHAT I HELPED HIM? ! NOTHING.
IM JUST BEING TOUGH AND AGGRO WITH HIM. AM I A BRUDDER.
IM SHAMEFUL.

WHAT IM DOING. IM WASTING MY TIME. WASTING LIFE.
WASTING MY PAST EFFORTS.
I GOT COVERED BY DESIRES AND RETARDATION.
IM TRYINGGGGGGGGGG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I made myself cold. so i can concentrate. WHAT I WANT !?
I WANT SUCCESS ?! WHAT IS SUCCESS ?!!
IM JUST BINDLY COVERED AND WALKING

WHY CANT I TREAT OTHERS TRUTHFULLY. SINCERELY.
I ALSO WANT TO BE WHO AM I.
I ALSO WANT DO WHAT I LIKE.
WHY AM I LIKE THIS. Sorry Aaron.
Wo zuo bu dao ni yao de dong xi.
WO hen xin ku. hen fan. hen tong.
wo jue de zi ji bi sec1 de wo hai shi bai.
Na shi de wo shi ben ! KE SHI TA YOU GU QI. TA ZUO ZI JI YAO ZUO DE DONG XI.
WO JIU XIANG SHI SLAVE. TRAP ZI JI. TRAP WO SHEN BIAN DE REN.

Cheng gong. ni hen cheng gong ?? Yi qie dou shi jia de. Dao tou lai shen me dou mei you.
Wo ji shi neng cheng wei yi ge ren ?
One normal and happy boy.
normal one.

First post.

my first post in this blog.
Yestd i never go school.
I don have a letter to give ms lee. so she scolded me..
Im really very useless and weak.. y cant i stand all that.. If i can stand all that...
I might be a capable leader..
todae. when they know that i have to stay up late. no one wants to stay with me.. they dont even care how i going to spend my time waitin for 3 hrs. they DONT CARE.
But they only come back when mr lim asked dem to come back to acompany me.. NONE.. NONE OF DEM EVEN BOTHER TO ASK ABOUT ME.. the moment they heard the time.. THEY WENT HOME.. STRAIGHT.. I DONT EVEN KNOW.. indeed fast..
Todae. Mr lim scolded me for not doing the planning for firing. i really have nothin to sae.. But i have my reasons.. COZ IM REALLY STUCK ARDY.. MY ACADAMIC.. I REALLY SCARED THAT I LOSES EVERYTIN.. coz everyone is watchin me to fail.. The planning for firing is too much for me.. I feel so miserable..
i really wanna ask myself a qn.
" Do i have a real friend ?"
even so much i did..
even if i succeeded.. who will celebrate For me ? they will only wait for me to fail.
im so stress. who can i tell ? no one bothers.. not even if im sad.. ppl only think of themselves.

i have no friends..
no one can help me..
Im helpless now.. i really hope i can be that happy and with loads of friends Aaron again.
But..
no one understands me.. IM NOT THAT SUPER.. IM A HUMAN.. LET ME REST.
Haiz. nvm.
i will take this sooner or later..
bye.

Tears could'nt stop falling. i have no friendss...